Esme Rose Shelton's Official Blog!

It was a Bank Holiday Monday. I was feeling brave. It took me weeks to build up to telling my local pub that I was Transgender and open about my Gender Identity, etc. I felt that I should be honest and opened up the barman who is a friend. He was cool, shook his hand then I felt a little overwhelmed so I went for a walk. Later that day, I returned to the pub location and decided to sit in a smaller area of the facility. I decided to start wearing my wig from in my bag. I went to the bar and asked for tap water. However, I was feeling brave and was sneered at by a duo of girls who laughed at my expense. "A Man in A Wig", "Not Another One!" - this all felt hurtful and a little Transphobic to me. I was very hurt and felt bad for the barman who probably felt bad for me. This wasn't a positive experience, but I felt free and honest about the day, if not a little hurt. Again, the barman was great and I'm sorry if I made him feel bad for me. My advice is be careful...

Hello, Esme here... I don't want to be a "Man" in a Wig! I want and will be going going onto HRT. Now, it's definitely the fear of the unknown. How to present? What to wear? And what to do with my days?  I've had an underwhelming sort of day and I can't always put my finger on it? These days do not last and I find that the sun goes down in denial. I'm doing fine, trying my best and a this all could be Gender Dysphoria.  I will be speaking to my Mental Health Team this month in April. I will be open and honest about my Gender Identity and as I've explained a few things in this blog is that I need further support as I've been going at this all alone at my home and visiting town to break up the days. You don't have to feel alone, but sometimes and we will get bad days.  Love and Light! Take Care and stay Positive and true to Yourself and others around you in uncertainty and through the negativity of the mind trying to play tricks!

For a start, Thank You so much for reading. I appreciate the time and love and patience. I came out so to speak to a family member and friends over the years and now to a professional mental health support team and psychiatrist.  I was often thinking to myself as in what if a loved one or person found my female clothes and wig? It's kind of a natural step to "Come Out" and I've always relied on talking as well as writing.  Even though I can't find the right words or language on how I'm feeling, I feel that the pen is mightier than the sword and writing has always been some sort of outlet. Now I know all of this is scary and maybe even a little bit confusing, but I know I'm not getting any younger. I have crossdressed for many years and purged clothes, but always come back months or years down the line.  I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time and was thinking to myself that I'd have to explain it a partner or loves one at some point, ...

Heartbreak and Broken People. Addiction and the most deepest of Wells. People will always find a way...  To find the Perfect Hit or Miss! Struggling Souls and Peer Pressure. Sunken Souls walking in the Harshest of Weather. Wholesome Thoughts and Prayers...  To Those That Try to Dare! To Dare to see a new Day! To wage forward and not Sway. To not Sway in the Wind...  To help each other and not fall Behind. The Struggle Is Real! Behind Closed Doors! We try to find ourselves and dig a little deeper even more!

The lovely Emrys Romane hosted a belated birthday party for their partner and I was invited to the do. This is the first time I stepped out as Esme Rose at any kind of event. I really appreciated the evening of fun and frolics by Emrys and friends.  Shout Out to: Pee (Pictured Below) for the photographs of the night. I really appreciate everyone that saw me this night and of course to Queen Bee, Emrys Romane and Gordi and the pet cats. Stay Safe everyone and take care... Esme Rose 🌹 

Hi, nice to meet you... My name is John/Esme. I feel in two spirits as a person who suffers from mental health and also talking medication to control my Schizoaffective Disorder. It takes work and patience as does any other job or personal development of any sort. Now, I know I like to Crossdress at night in private behind closed doors. Not many people know apparently apart from those that read this or know. Recently, I decided to try and get back into music but have had a few rejections in joining musical band or projects. Through this, I met a friend called Amelia. I opened up to her about how I was feeling. Other contacts advised for me to open up to family. I opened up to family again as I did in 2017 about Gender Identity Issues and confronting them and try to draw a timeline in where I want to be in the near future. This is all scary and familiar at the same time. For example, the worry and anxiety I feel about being in the open as I was a shy person growing up who was dealing wi...

FORWARD I hate Ignorance for no reason. Come on, it’s a bit silly now that you would do this after you came to me? Ah, Social Media... The Devil's Work! Maybe it was my tiny breakdown? Was it something I said? Sod it, it doesn’t matter, now. What’s done is done, but it still stings when you’ve done nothing wrong. Anyway, life is very short. This year we lost Ozzy (Osbourne) and in recent years a lot of people we came to love and respect. It feels like a huge competition sometimes in the film scene. People fighting for that number one spot of fame and fortune and a special friendship circle. This is nothing new to me if I'm honest. I love being creative and always have been since primary school. In school, I used to write stories about far out people and scenarios where class friends and teachers wanted more of the adventure or intriguing story with pictures drawn by myself. There was surely a spark of madness or genius way back then in class. As we get older, we sometimes lose ...

In 2022, I managed to win a small statue award for a Godzilla-Related Documentary I created in 2017 with friends. It was called "For The Love of Godzilla". Ever since then and in 2023, I extended the Documentry Film and it can be seen on my YouTube Channel. The film is dedicated to Haruo Nakajima who passed away in 2017. He was the original Godzilla Suit Actor at Toho Studios.

  Happy Autumn 2025 and it's that time of the year where the leaves turn brown, the nights are drawing in and soon it'll be time to turn the clocks back. Autumn is here, and so is Halloween. Cosy nights and seasonal changes. A lot of people embrace Autumn with walks and Halloween Celebrations. Whatever you are doing this Autumn, stay safe and warm and embrace it if you can. Plan breaks, holidays and celebrations with friends and enjoy it the best you can this year! I've been trying to take Autumnal Walks in fresh air, grab a hot drink or two cos it feels a bit like hibernation for some people. Stay Safe & Healthy and Warm. Kindest Autumn Regards... Happy Autumn 2025.

See the sunshine shining. Feel my blood and temperature rising. See the gangs get rowdy and start a fight. Bikes and cars are speeding Down a busy highway Never want to see the light Through curtains as I lie awake at night. In these times of chaos Chaos comes at a price of fun It's a bit of fun until the passion dies. Roll up, roll up, see the tension falling. As I leave this town crawling behind. To a new beginning. Get on a train and never look behind. When all is said and done We've all had some fun. Look after yourself and be careful not to let your spark die. Keep in mind your existence. We only get one chance at life. Just stop living on the edge of a knife.

Round and round we go. Walking in ruthless circles. Music banging loudly through my ears🎵🎶 Round and round we go, again. Not knowing what to do. Sliced my hand accidentlly on glass and nearly cut my fingers... On a slippery slope of mud and mess. This year was a year of distress. This wasn't a year at my best at all. Was it really anybody's year? We all tried and got nowhere. Lost our voices and love for all things Life. However, don't worry cos there's a light 🕯️ Stopping me in my tracks. A needle, sharp as a knife. Come with us and you will see. Five weeks of pure endless Eternity. Locked doors and white coats and medication 🧥 💊 You're going be here for a while. No denial that your mind is fragile. Keep yourself going and safe. Cos at the end of the day, you're going away. Corridors of blood, fighting and hoods Poorly people that on the inside were truly good. I'm waiting to get out of this prison of insane pain. Scream all you...

Another day, another dollar… sort of! I heard that the NHS and Mental Health Support are short staffed here in the UK. Trying to gain a CPN Support Worker is a very scarce thing for my local Mental Health Service. Also, I have depot injection monthly to boost my mood from the MH Centre. For a Mental Health Awareness Event, I remember that I took a walk around the Nottingham Forest Football Ground five times in a group with an awareness group going off. It took place early 2024. Also, over the past few years I had attended a few local pub events, Mind Over Metal (a music festival) for it to raise money for Andy's Man Club and the Mental Health Charity called Mind . Donations went towards the respected charities. I try to support Mental Health charity where and when I can. Sometimes, doing something is better than nothing 🚫  When the lowest of moods catch up, it's best to try and stay defiant in the face of depression, even if it means to take time out or take a break. Let the ...

John’s Mental Health Journals! In 2007 (the year I walked out of my final job) I remember it being a dark evening. The nights were drawing in and the fear was there, but something comforting about sleeping on the living room floor. The flat had been rearranged for a new carpet in the bedroom. My cupboards and fittings were everywhere in the flat and I just laid there, in the dark, not knowing where my head was at. From 2023 - 2024, I start to get tired more during the day. I sleep more and struggle to move. The nights drawing in don’t help. The days are short and I feel less motivated than I ever have felt before at home. During the inbetween days, if I get up and face it, I’ll go to town. The times I feel frustrated are when I feel anxious about stepping outside my comfort zone. I have to calm myself down with night medication for anxiety. Or sleep it off. I can’t control how negative I feel about myself and the world when I really talk myself out of situations, going places and tryin...

A recent film I got to see at the Cinema (after Godzilla Minus One [2023]) was the 2024 film, Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire. It's a sequel to Godzilla X Kong (2021) which came out after the recent Panademic of 2020 - 2021. In June 2024, the Godzilla vs Kong sequel came to home media and streaming platforms. It wasn't a bad film, but a lot seemed to be fit into a two hour film and it DID break Box-Office Records. It reminded me of the Showa Era silliness and without giving too much away, we get to see some EPIC Wrestling moves which called back to the 1962 King Kong vs Godzilla. The latested Monsterverse film was directed by Adam Wingard, again - just like Godzilla vs Kong (2021). Another Monsterverse film has been announced for 2027. This time with a newish director, leaving Wingard to step aside for other projects.  

A very Wet & Wild start to January 2024. The UK was hit by Storm Henk and so was Nottingham, England. A Yellow Flood & Rain Warning was put in place. Animals had to be rescued from fields as well as some home evacuations.  It's been said that it could take areas and the UK Months to recover from the Floodings and Natural Disaster.  NOTE: These photos were taken in and around Clifton Grove & under Clifton Suspension Bridge in Nottingham, UK. Everybody, please stay say and contact your local Council if experiencing any Flood or Damage related to Storm Henk. Call Floodline for Advice: Telephone: 0345 988 1188 Textphone: 0345 602 6340 Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

  Radley was a loyal dog a friend I used to dog-sit pre-Lockdown days. The memories and friendship we had. Rest In Peace, Radley.

 During the Lockdown of 2020, things were starting to get a bit messy on the streets and surrounding areas. Myself and Mr. Wilcox started Litter Picking and kept things Clean for a bit in the local area of Nottingham, England. 

Over the past few weeks, I caught up with some faces from in and around Nottingham. This was during August 2023 and what a lovely catch up it was to meet these people: Mike Wilcox & Myself in The Old Salutation Inn. With... Ken of Parallel Universe Toy Shop. With... Sam Hexx of Flirting With Corpses & DALE (Notts) band(s). With... Paul Smith - Singer of Patriot Rebel band. With... Ash (Left) & Gordi (Middle). With... Gordi at The Old Salutation Inn Pub.