Esme Rose Shelton's Official Blog!

Hey, I went to the pub in a wig. Guess what? Nobody knows what to call me now? Is it "John"? Is it "Esme"? Have I lost it? The answer I feel is that I haven't lost it, but opened the flood gates on who or what is being created at this moment in time. I'm still me. I'm still a good person. Not everyone gets to truly re-invent themselves or even get another chance at some things in life. I feel a little bit empowered, emotional and even a little stressed sometimes.  I guess it's mixed feelings. However, I feel quite positive for all that's been said and done. It's not a bad thing. It's just another opportunity to grow and develop confidence and a better outlook on life. I'm not saying that I had a bad outlook, but in this world you have to keep going. There will be bad and good times. Just hold onto looking forward and stay true to yourself and others. However, stay positive.

It was a Bank Holiday Monday. I was feeling brave. It took me weeks to build up to telling my local pub that I was Transgender and open about my Gender Identity, etc. I felt that I should be honest and opened up the barman who is a friend. He was cool, shook his hand then I felt a little overwhelmed so I went for a walk. Later that day, I returned to the pub location and decided to sit in a smaller area of the facility. I decided to start wearing my wig from in my bag. I went to the bar and asked for tap water. However, I was feeling brave and was sneered at by a duo of girls who laughed at my expense. "A Man in A Wig", "Not Another One!" - this all felt hurtful and a little Transphobic to me. I was very hurt and felt bad for the barman who probably felt bad for me. This wasn't a positive experience, but I felt free and honest about the day, if not a little hurt. Again, the barman was great and I'm sorry if I made him feel bad for me. My advice is be careful...

For a start, Thank You so much for reading. I appreciate the time and love and patience. I came out so to speak to a family member and friends over the years and now to a professional mental health support team and psychiatrist.  I was often thinking to myself as in what if a loved one or person found my female clothes and wig? It's kind of a natural step to "Come Out" and I've always relied on talking as well as writing.  Even though I can't find the right words or language on how I'm feeling, I feel that the pen is mightier than the sword and writing has always been some sort of outlet. Now I know all of this is scary and maybe even a little bit confusing, but I know I'm not getting any younger. I have crossdressed for many years and purged clothes, but always come back months or years down the line.  I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time and was thinking to myself that I'd have to explain it a partner or loves one at some point, ...